Save it To Savour It

The threat of Wharfie Time has become more powerful than its application, and we should be mindful that the genius of it, and its maximum effect, exists in the rarity of its use.

You could think of Wharfie Time somewhat like it is Dom Toretto and Brian O'Connor pushing the nitrous oxide buttons as they close in on the end of the quarter mile. You get one chance to use it, so you have to be disciplined and precise.

Wharfie Time is the nitrous oxide button at our disposal late in games to secure the required boost, artificial or otherwise. It is an outlet for nervous tension and the intimidation of opponents through the spine tingling electricity generated by fans. Its the signal to throw caution to the wind. However, the value lies in the scarcity.

The Wharfie Time phenomenon contains mystical Manchurian Candidate-type properties: a modified and trained sound frequency that activates an energetic, primal competitiveness in those who indulge it, and a beyond-recognisable, eternal terror for those who suffer it.

It has rapid, pandemic-like peculiarities and, albeit only momentarily, it’s a severe contagion. The stadium is unequivocally ground zero, and the broadcast transmission acts as a conduit, delivering the possessive purple presence beyond what would otherwise be containment lines, infiltrating homes and humans across the country.

Harnessed from the decades of deep, dark duress, it’s a power entrusted to those who not only understand its true worth, but take the sacred oath of adhering to the very precise conditions required to put it into practice.

You see, it is not necessarily an infinite resource. It has 29 total charges, and it only regenerates at a ratio of 29 to 1. For every single use, it requires 29 occasions of remaining unutilised to restore that single charge. Flippant and counterproductive misuse has the very real potential to bring about its demise.

These are the findings of the research conducted by its founder, the great scientific innovator, Professor M.L. Pavlich, when he real-world tested his creation back in 2009.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/f7dbc2_ded2929633d847ef829b0f966834aee2/360p/mp4/file.mp4

Sadly, it seems he didn’t have the IP protection and patents in place because, like a giant predatory pharmaceutical company honing in on a small perceived competitor, the AFL, using similar Machiavellian-like tactics, is moving to acquire it.

Anyway, myths and legends morph into behemoths by minimising the potential for their debunking. Wharfie Time remains a monolithic force largely due to its crafted narrative and the extreme discipline surrounding its use.

For this very reason, I was disappointed when I flicked on the TV late Sunday. I have an older TV that somehow allows the sound to penetrate a second before the picture appears. It’s how I instantly heard the ominous chiming of the bells, the gongs of terror, the primal pangs signalling the release of the purple plague.

The button had been pushed!

To my horror, upon realisation, Wharfie Time was being enacted at Cockburn Central, where the Freo girls were taking on the Blues.

There was a crowd of a couple of thousand people sitting in makeshift grandstands, predominantly designed to provide momentary protection from the vast colonies of vicious bull ants residing in the earth beneath.

This was the first transgression!

There weren’t enough human vessels to generate and channel the required energy for impact. Wharfie Time also needs connectivity through a largely enclosed environment. Victor Kalis Oval is a wide-open, windy arena, allowing the energetic properties to escape before being harnessed.

Secondly, there were only 90 seconds left in the game.

Now, admittedly, Gabby O’Sullivan had just slotted a very good goal to reduce the margin to seven points, but six goals had been kicked in 66 minutes to that point. It was entirely unfair and unreasonable to expect the power of Wharfie Time to deliver two goals in a further 90 seconds.

As it played out, Carlton was able to hold off the Freo fantastical force and run out winners by a goal, leaving us with a tragic waste of valuable resources.

Now, this isn’t an attack whatsoever on the Freo girls or the wider AFLW league. They’re down there doing their level best, and not one of the girls was relying on Wharfie Time to get them over the line. They had no say in the outrageous and irresponsible activation of the asset.

This is simply acknowledging the gravity of the situation, the enormity of the error and the potential repercussions. It is also a consequent call to have the button pusher identified, brought before the Wharfie Time counsel, and stripped of his or her button-pushing privileges!

We’re all one club, the girls and guys. We all want success for each other. The guys are always seen on the balconies supporting the girls when their schedules allow.

How could any Fremantle person condone such an egregious abuse of power, especially at this pivotal moment?

This coming Thursday, we’re playing Hawthorn in a final! The very opponent that fell victim to Wharfie Time earlier this year! The opponent who has since had players suffer insomnia and require weekly psychology sessions to work on their sustained Wharfie Time trauma; the opponent who felt it necessary to adopt a counteractive training measure for the impact of Wharfie Time, called Hawthie Time!

It is no coincidence that back on Friday, 15 May 2009, when Wharfie Time came into existence, it was also against the Hawthorn Football Club.

Bob Murphy once explained that the road to a premiership consists of continually putting tickets in the barrel to draw on in a time of need. We cannot just use up tickets willy-nilly!

Overuse and incorrect use of Wharfie Time is self-defeating. It’s akin to the killing of the golden goose. Its ultimate power is in the distraction and trepidation it delivers to others. It’s the unpredictability.

Let this be a less-is-more lesson for us all.